Everyone Has A Hobby
by capn crook
Summary: Boring first chapter. other than that.....truth or dare demon style, cute elves, hot springs, and an alcoholic Hiei who's girlfriend happens to be a deranged-psycho-pirate-set-on-wolrd-domination! 10 chapters
1. Default Chapter

Everyone Has A Hobby.......  
  
Note: Bad words, plus alcoholic AND sexual references......but nothing too bad.....just some sex terms.....  
  
Disclaimers: Basic stuff. I dont own Yu Yu Hakusho (even though I want to), nor do i own Skittles and the Nabisco company. And I do not have the power to bring the dead back to life. And I made some characters of my own, who aren't in the original story.....^ ^ 'Nor'....how funny....  
  
Koenma sat back in his chair. "Its been a half hour and Hiei still isnt here. Go get him!!" He waved good-bye to the groaning detectives and Botan, who marched out of the office.  
  
"Why can't he ever be on time?!?!?!?!" Yusuke screamed once they got outside. "He's on time with everyting else!!" Kurama shook his head.  
  
"Hiei...um....has an problem with Koenma's schedule and....." Kurama trailed off and glanced at Kuwabara, who was sulking behind them. "What's up with you?"  
  
"Wha...?" Kuwabara looked around and focused on Kurama. "I was just thinking....."  
  
"Thats a change!" Yusuke laughed and ran as Kuwabara charged him, swinging the oar Botan was floating on and screaming 'DIE, Urameshi!!' all the way.  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
The group ended up in down-town Farithel (a demonic harbor city) and casually strolled over to a (large) shouting group of people in front of a bar. Well, it would have been casual if Botan and Yusuke weren't arguing and kicking each other in the shins.   
  
"Looks like trouble, " Kurama muttered to Kuwabara and Yusuke. "Do you think we should see what it is?" Both of them nodded and the four shoved their way to the front of the group. Kurama gasped, Botan sweatdropped, and Yusuke and Kuwabara giggled like idiots. Hiei was rolling on the ground, fighting with some unknown demon (and was *dramatic music* losing....no!).  
  
"Alright, break it up, " Yusuke and Kurama reached down and pulled the two apart. Hiei's face was as red as his eyes and strands of his hair fell into his face. The other demon, who just so happened to be about an inch or two taller than Hiei---  
  
**** Hiei: WAIT!!!! First I lose, and now he's taller?!?!?!?!?!  
  
capn: Gotta make it interesting.  
  
Hiei: And how is that interseting?!?!?!?!?!?!  
  
capn: Well, to actually find someone who's shorter than you (besides Master Genkai) is.....uncommon.  
  
Hiei: *staring daggers* ****  
  
.....kicked Yusuke and wiped the trail of blood from his lip.  
  
"You bassard!!" the boy shouted, glaring at Hiei. "Ish all yer fall!!!" (he's drunk, by the way) "All a ish yer fall!!!"  
  
"*hiccup*! Well, Delmar, if it weren't for you being a freakin' dumassshhhh......!" Hiei snapped (drunk also), wandering off to stare at a butterfly. "OOH!!! Pretty-ful!!!!" He tugged free from Kurama and chased the butterfly, and much to everyone's pleasure, knocked Delmar over in the process and they both began to fight again.  
  
"SHUT UP!!!" Everyone froze and turned to face a short (but still three inches taller than Hiei) figure, wrapped in a cloak. "I'm trying to sleep here!!" The figure gestured towards the tree in which it had peacefully been sleeping. "Now shut up." It jumped up and sat on a branch, tucking its hands behind its head.  
  
"C'mon, lets go...." Botan reached down and grabbed both of the drunken idiots. "You too, Delmar...." The crowd began to boo, but dissolved to go back in the bar, wondering who the cloaked tree climber was.  
  
* * * * * * * * * *   
  
"AND THAT'S WHY HE WAS LATE?!?!?!?!?!" Koenma was hysterical and ready to kill. Hiei was late because he was.....out getting drunk? "THE MISSION WAS DELAYED SO HIEI COULD GO OUT AND HAVE A GOOD OL' TIME GETTING FACED?!?!?!?! IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING, BOTAN?!?!?!?!?!"  
  
"Well....." She hesitated. "You'll have to ask him....I can't speak for him......" Koenma hopped off his chair and floated into the back room where a bruised Delmar and a tired Hiei sat, arguing. Yusuke, Kurama, and Kuwabara were watching tv and had decided not to interfere with the two.  
  
"HIEI!!!!" Koenma came in, red in the face and panting. Hiei looked up and hiccuped, causing Delmar to go into a fit of laughter. "Where the hell were you?" Hiei opened his mouth to answer, but closed it with a confused look.  
  
"Me thinks, " He began. "That isshwas called somefin like da' Salty Shee Breedze. *hiccup* Dunno 'zactly......*hiccup*" Delmar rolled on the ground, suffering from a sever laugh attack.  
  
"Quish...." He gasped, laughing. "Quish hicsupping.......*laugh* Issh makin' me laff......" He then burst anew with laughter as Hiei hiccuped twice and unsheathed his sword, lunging in a not-so-drunk manner at Delmar, who screamed and dodged out of the way.  
  
"Oh, great....." George the ogre sighed. "There goes the carpet....." He winced as blood and spit and......rum? spilled onto the floor.  
  
"Quit it!!!" Botan smacked them both with her oar across their asses. "Gosh, you're acting like, no WORSE than little kids....." Koenma sighed, and, deciding that until Hiei sobered up they couldn't go on the mission, stated blankly: "Go home and come back tomorrow at noon, 'kay?" The group left and George had to try the best he could to get the stains out of the carpet before King Enma showed up. 


	2. Hiei's blushing!

Everyone Has A Hobby.......  
  
Note: Bad words, plus alcoholic AND sexual references......but nothing too bad.....just some sex terms.....(ch. 4 + 5)  
  
Disclaimers: Basic stuff. I dont own Yu Yu Hakusho (even though I want to), nor do i own Skittles and the Nabisco company. And I do not have the power to bring the dead back to life. And I made some characters of my own, who aren't in the original story.....^ ^ 'Nor'....how funny....  
  
(Koenma stared blankly at the detectives. Yusuke arguing with Kuwabara, Kurama was shaking his head while Hiei complained about a hang-over, and Botan chatted over which color kimono was better with George and Delmar, who had insisted on staying.  
  
"Down to business!!" He said, snapping everyone back to life. "People!!!!" Hiei screamed (he was starting to space out) and Botan screeched something about---  
  
**** Hiei: Botan can screech, yet I cant have a day off?!?!?!?!  
  
capn: Yeah, thats basically it.....  
  
Hiei: I hate you. you're evil.....  
  
capn: heh heh......yeah...... ****  
  
.....trying to find a good kimono. "We need to focus on the mission!!!! Now that everyone is PAYing ATTENTION! will you look at the TV!!!" Tv? That got their attention and all eyes turned towards the screen, where pictures of eight people were up in the Brady Bunch style, with a boat in the center, recived a quiet 'I know that ship' from Hiei. Koenma continued: "The Dislexic Pyro, a fast ship, and her crew. The top left and across: Midori Jarukano age 345, a cute but deadly girl, wanted for grand theft. Aya Bashiko age 329, a cute, smart, and deadly girl, wanted for murder. Kenji Kanshiko age 406, cute and smart and a total pervert, wanted for sexual harassment. DOWN FROM KENJI: Sora Jenkins age 340, cunning and good with daggers, wanted for armed robbery. Shania Lorlek age 267, smart and acurate with weather predictions, wanted for grand theft. ACROSS TO LEFT: Tommy Parins age 403, has a phd in psycology, wanted for second degree murder. Jerisha uh, i cant say the last name....is it Par-par-parthatlasschana.....? whatever, age 367, wanted for arson. ABOVE HER: Azarik Halether, age 200, likes to...joy ride? and is wanted for grand theft....auto? o.O and last but not least.....the ring leader, er captain---"  
  
"Rei?" Hiei looked at the screen, puzzled, while everyone else looked at him, puzzled. "Holybajeezus, what she do now?" He looked at Koenma, confused, while Koenma looked back, confused, and then he looked at Delmar, who shrugged and shook his head.  
  
"I was getting there, " He retorted. "Rei something or other, age unknown, fast, smart, powerful, merciless and secretive, wanted for the mass murder of 26 villages in the Daerifgel Islands and Hiei, how do you know her?!?!?!?!" Everyone looked at him expectantly.  
  
"She, uh...." Hiei stuttered, which he rarely did. "Is a good, um, friend of mine, and I....well, that is to say....I mean, its not like that....."  
  
"You're blushing!!!" Kurama and Kuwabara were having a field day. "Hiei's blushing!!! Hiei's blushing!!!"  
  
"Just go to Farithel and get them!!!" Koenma snapped his fingers and they appeared back in the city.  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Well, " Delmar sighed. "See ya' round, detectives. Oh, Hiei! Tell your little girlfriend Del says 'hi!!!' and that she really needs to get a new hobby other than sniffing sharpies." He walked off into another bar. Hiei was blushing and much to his dismay, Kurama and Kuwabara were, well, chanting 'Hiei's blushing!!!' over and over again. Yusuke punched them in the arm and walked off to find this little pirate clique. 


End file.
